Ryan is ONE!

I can't believe my baby is one.  It is so exciting.  Its is about to get a whole lot crazier I think!  Once this guy starts walking, he will be stirring up trouble all over!

He weighed in at over 24 lbs and over 31 inches.  Around 90%!

Ryan is so sweet.  He has the most contagious smile and likes to play bashful and nestle his smiley little face into my shoulder when people talk to him.   He likes to keep busy and discover new things around the house and take all the toys out of their bins.  He can play independently very well but he also likes to be where his siblings are playing.

He loves being pushed in the swing or pushed down the street in his hand-me-down pink car.  He is good running errands, he likes a stroller walk and happy to be carted around to any activity.

Ryan's big siblings love him.  They all want to kiss and hug him. Say good night to him.  Hold him though now he quickly wiggles away.  Help him walk.  Put him on a pillow and push him around.  Pretty much anything he is up for and he happily plays along.  He is in full throws of loving a good game of peek a boo.  I just love his little belly laugh.

Thinking back on the last two years gets me a little choked up.  Thinking we were set with our trio and very content with that.  To the shock and roller coaster of emotions about being pregnant again and having four kids!  To being super excited to finding out it was a boy!  For the kids to be so excited and ask so many questions about this baby that was coming and to feel him move in my belly.

Ryan coming at 38 weeks was such a treat!  And there is one small, but amazing detail that slipped through the cracks when Ryan was born.  When the baby nurse came in to check him out and measure him, she was sitting next to me on the bed, and her name tag said Christine.  At that time it didn't throw me, I felt this quick moment of serenity.  Our Christine walked with me through every step during this pregnancy and that's why I think I wasn't more taken back.  I knew she was with us and had something to do with this little boy joining our family.  Exactly why he shares the middle name of Townsend with her.   When I think of it now, my mind is a little blown.

Ryan completes us in a way I only had dreamed of and every day am grateful I am living this reality.  It makes me find calmness (most of the time) even during the really hard days.  In years to come I will long to go back to these little baby fingers, giggles and snuggles.  So, I am truly soaking up every second.

Ryan we love you more than you will ever know!

 A small family party.

 First he just smashed the cupcake, no idea what to do with it.  Then Tim gave him a taste and he devoured it!

 Hand me down winnie the pooh and eeyore.  

 Super excited about his mower, and even took a few steps with it!

Colin is FIVE

Wow, five.  Five is a really big kid.  But yet he is still so little and so full of wonder.  My favorite thing is to watch him draw with passion, focus and creativity!  And see him roar like a dinosaur.  Those are my two favorite things right now.  And I will soak in every second of it.

He still likes to snuggle.  He gives me pictures he draws and says he made it for me because he loves me.  The sparkle in his eye he had as a newborn gets stronger every day.  He will forever be my little prince.

Colin is a terrific brother.  He loves Whitney to pieces and I love their friendship.  They play together endlessly with very little conflict.  They spend the night together every weekend and holiday.  He has learned how to be a great big brother from her.  He has taken Lauren under his wing and leads her in great play time.  These two can fight within minutes or play for hours harmoniously.  Just never know what you are going to get!  He loves his little brother and I have not doubt will teach him many fun and mischievous things.

Colin has thrived at school.  His teachers are impressed with his extreme concentration on all school projects.  He is well behaved and plays well with all of his classmates.  When Colin finishes his work he helps the other kids at his table.  His teacher told me how he has taken to a little boy in class whom has speech difficulty.  Colin is very patient with him and helps to figure out what he is trying to say.  We could not be more proud of his kind and gentle heart.

Colin just started coloring and drawing one year ago.  And colors every day for a minimum of two hours.  He colors before school, during his rest time (he gave up naps in December), after his rest time, waiting for dinner, and just about any time he may need to!  He seems to have superb talent for a 5 year old, he is very detailed and creative with his drawings.

Colin is one fun and cool little kid.  We love you Colin!

Dinosaur Birthday Party!

Lauren and the other kids were blind folded Pinning the Horn of the Triceratops.

 Colin didn't want to be blindfolded.

 Super excited about this birthday gift.  We also got him Star Wars legos and books.  And a dinosaur bone excavator game.

Some of his latest creations.

Ryan's 9-10 Months

I am trying to slow down time.  I cannot believe in 6 short weeks I will have a one year old.  I am getting very sentimental as this milestone approaches.  I am going to squeeze as much baby out of him as I can!

Ryan started army crawling around 8 months, then at 10 months has found his way to his knees.  As much as a mover makes things a little more challenging, it is also nice because he can find things to entertain himself.  He also pulls himself up to standing, and is surfing around the furniture.

He is a pretty big eater.  Eating things like, peas, sweet potatoes, chicken, salmon, grapes, to name a few.

He wants to be where the action is.  Now when his siblings go downstairs he wants to go too.  He enjoys swinging a long side of them.  Or strolling down the street in his (pink) car.

At 9 months he was 21 lbs and is already up to 23 lbs.  In the 90 % for weight but somewhere around 60% for height.

We will have no burned baby fingers this time around!

Ryan used to be afraid of baths because of the sound of the loud water filling up the tub.  Now he can't get in soon enough!

Lauren is Three

Lauren is three and it is so hard to believe.  Over the last 6 months she has really moved from being a toddler to being a big kid.  Doing her best, and succeeded most of the time, to keep up with the big kids.

This girl is overflowing with hugs as well as throwing out a few elbows.  She has more endurance than I could imagine one little being could!  Don't get in her way of getting out of the car first, going to the bathroom first, washing her hands first, because an elbow will come your way! Amongst all her fiestiness is a super sweet and loving little lady.

She is still a lover of baby dolls.  She holds them so gently, kisses them and lays them down to sleep.  She feeds them and pushes them around in their stroller.

She loves dresses and to accessorize.  Though sometimes that means three gaudy rings on one hand or ear muffs over her minnie mouse hat or a headband that sits backwards on her head.

She is simply loads of fun.  Lauren and I can be found singing to each other throughout the day or dancing around the kitchen.

She says, " Mama, I wanted polished nails".   And while inappropriately shaking her bottom, she says " I am shaking my body, I am shaking my body".  Or on school days asks, "Where are my friends Whitney and Colin".

Lauren had a super fun Trolls birthday party.  She had been singing the music for months and Whitney thought of watching the movie for her party.  So we invited our friends the Joneses over who have three little girls and they all had a blast.  For 24 hours of celebration, Lauren fully embraced being the princess of the party.  And it was much deserved!

And as we say when we say goodnight, I will love you forever and ever!

It's my party!

Loves s'mores!

So excited to be in dance class!

Daredevil in the pool!

Loves painting!

I Get To See Her Everyday

 In the days leading up to Christine's birthday,  my mind constantly takes me back to the course of events that occurred six years ago.  My gut feeling wondering if something was wrong with this baby that barely gave me any kicks.  To being too wrapped up in excitement to not notice during the first 45 mins of our sonogram that she could only move her arms.  Then the news.  Then the shock.  Then the days leading up to what we knew would be her birthday.  Walking into the hospital at 6am that morning barely able to comprehend what was about to happen.  To waiting all day.  To her birth that occurred after 10pm, What was the exact time? Wow a detail I have forgotten.  To holding her.  To crying over her.  Finding joy in her.  And having to say goodbye and hand her over, never to see her on this earth again.

How did I survive that time is a thought I always have.  That heartbreak seemed so unbearable.  I am so thankful that time has healed the pain.  But even more grateful to have the four children in front of me.

All the time I used to think, oh I think of her everyday.  What that has changed into is, I get to see her everyday.  Not the place of where she would have been or what age she would be, but in each of my children.  She was not meant to be here on earth with us and with that is where I was able to find great peace.  I believe I will be reunited with her one day, but until then I get to see her everyday in the four little faces before me.